Perhaps a list is in order.
-I saw the end of an era in life, as my closest friends and I have scattered to the winds in pursuit of… well, that is the question, now isn’t it?
-I shared bread and wine—too much wine—with three on their wedding days. Pity I was never once worthy of the tuxedos they asked me to wear.
-I completed a coherent narrative in novel form and dabbled with the beginnings of half-a-dozen others. Perhaps one of them will be worth reading someday. That comes later.
-I shared my father’s first Redskins game in person, which they actually managed to win.
-I visited.
-I saw.
-I witnessed in person perhaps the greatest achievement in athletics I will ever see, unless the achievers manage to top it themselves. Curry for three! Go Wildcats, always.
-I willfully tore myself from five years of comfort and memory and confidence and care, and can only pray it was worth the cost.
-I golfed.
-I spent too much money.
-I earned very little.
-I saw death, and wept.
-I was shocked by the mistakes of my elders. Old and wise never seemed so far apart.
-I remembered myself.
-I understood.
-I met God, again.
-I saw movies, and mourned the loss of an iconic performer. How ‘bout a magic trick?
-I saw others return to where they once belonged. Tip of the fedora, Dr. Jones.
-I procrastinated. And procrastinated. I wasted more time than I care to believe.
-I feared.
-Then I realized I was alive. It’s really not so simple as that. Thanks, Ray Bradbury, for Dandelion Wine.
Not so much, really, for a year. I'll do better next time.
At this point, it seems prudent to point out that Metallica has just released their new record, Death Magnetic. What does this have to do with anything, you ask? Well, Metallica certainly isn’t for everyone’s musical tastes; that’s no kind of secret. But they happen to be just right for mine. In some ways, having the record come out now seems a very happy coincidence, especially considering the content.
At long last, the musicians have finally managed to reconcile their past with their present. They have stared down their demons and come back stronger for it. Now, I’m not trying to read too much into this—well, Lord knows I’ve already read too much into everything, some of which I’m too ashamed to throw out here—but the journey they’ve just completed is not wholly unlike the journey I aim to take.
Rather than ramble further, I’ll honor the artistic achievement of my betters and drop a few apropos lines of James Hetfield’s verse (OK, don’t overanalyze the depth here—you know who you are):
How could he know this new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?
Set sail to sea but pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure
Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid
Always afraid
Of the things he's feeling
He could just be gone
He would just sail on
How can I be lost?
If I've got nowhere to go?
Searched the seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?
How can I be lost
In remembrance I relive
How can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?
…All right. With that out of the way, I’m free to give you some really terrible verse of my own to further scar those refined palates.
The path ahead lies veiled and twisting
Darkened by shade’s grasp
The light above illuminates
But only what is past
I tremble, sweat, for what encroaches
Yet I will move on still
I leave behind what’s left of me
Like serpent’s slough unfilled
Now moon has risen, high above
Through dark, like me, alone
As I go to lose myself
To find my love of home
Well, if anyone’s unlucky enough to be reading this far down the page, I do have one thing left to say.
The next time I talk to any of you, it will be from the other side of Earth, so I hope the coming year takes good care of you, and that you take good care of yourselves.
See you whenever it is that I make it back to this side of the rock.
No comments:
Post a Comment